I am lovesick. It’s quite like a suspended disease that hangs over you like a nasty massage
therapist. It heaves, rends, and wretches at your heart leaving you with a feeling of
abandonment. When a cute couple walk by, an adorable pair in a restaurant laugh and smile a great
deal, and an old husband and wife take an evening stroll hand in hand through a park, it begins to
cut through your facade of happiness. Love-sickness is suffering, ranging sadness, and prompted
languish brought on by a lost love.
Day to day I walk the walk by facing the world head on, taking each challenge one by one,
all the while refusing to give up. The final break up, denial, blame and anger are all steps to the
ending result of the love-sickness I myself have gone through personally. Instead of getting over it
I “pressed on” convincing everyone I was fine by lying to them and myself.
My biggest mistake was to jump into relationships I wasn’t ready for. I would lead on guys
by finding someone new, flirting, and then dating not too long after. They would know nothing of
my previous relationship and assume that I had feelings for them and not another guy (ironically
there is a saying that ignorance is bliss). Dating again too soon after a separation creates the
love-sickness from the harbored sadness I held.
I never admitted to myself the self denial or how I made the whole problem worse by not
creating a solution but by preferably covering it up. I would keep myself going on strong will and
my trademark stubbornness. Living life now was difficult because I was truly sad, stressed out, and
I needed to be left alone to heal. I did not need a boyfriend, but instead a friend.
So now my subject comes into the reality of lessons to learn from. I understand I shouldn’t
push myself, take leaps, and make decisions too quickly but I also realize I’m likely to do this
again. But I have determined the true meaning of love-sickness is a deep heaviness on one’s heart
that one must pay attention to.
